La Figlia che Piange 1917

STAND on the highest pavement of the stair—
Lean on a garden urn—
Weave, weave the sunlight in your hair—
Clasp your flowers to you with a pained surprise—
Fling them to the ground and turn
With a fugitive resentment in your eyes:
But weave, weave the sunlight in your hair.

H has left the city. H is leaving the city.

Hen's sister is getting married next month. He's gone home to fix things. She will be expelled from the zomi church for a year. So Priscilla will now be.....Lalrhamlun (Priscilla) Ramaswamy? and I'm going to be witness :D :D :D i'm so excited.

That's H and me in the Boys common room in SY / TY. me looking like moron cause the cam clicked few seconds here or there. H looking honest and peaceful cause he is.

and while i'm at it, here's a nother one of H and me. This one's in Pune, at harita's. H is leaving the city he says, for Pune. Deccan college he wants. But i think it's just the jumbo chicken, fillet o fish at burger king that's drawing him there. And riding bikes. I Hope he finds his light.really really. I still think he should go study agriculture and live his dream of buying a hill and starting his orchid and pine apple farm, dunno if business is his thing though. Or become chef. omg omg i know harita and nishant pushkar singh will second that. The last time he made chicken with almost nonexistent spice/condiments, all of us stared and stared and stared at the clock and decided to miss the train back to bombay so as to not disturb the 'feeling' of fulfillment. That silly boy shouldnt get into criminal sociology and rehab.

henry my boy, spike it up! do the jig! life's good. and STOP EATING FERMENTED FISH and raw Marve shrimps. That's whats giving you the loose motions.

"A cheese may disappoint. It may be dull, it may be naive, it may be oversophisticated. Yet it remains cheese, milk's leap toward immortality."

"Can love and peace live in the same heart? Youth is unhappy because it is faced with this terrible choice: Love without peace, or peace without love."

"When the white man came, we had the land and they had the bibles. Now they have the land and we have the bibles."

starting trouble

ok so my net decided to connect. and. i'm coming back to life in a horrifying, zombie state.

finally theyre here. reminding me that i am a woman. after so long, and much ado.
and yes Dr desai/pai/xyz i shall still refuse to take those pills.
i feel tired and drained and feverish today.

i want to quit, maybe. thats not the trouble. i hope i am quitting for a good reason. is there anything better that i can be doing? or do i just need to grow up, as someone sternly pointed out?
i want to work for nat geo. research. cultural. anthropological will do too. but i dont know any social anthropology. should i study soc. anthro? what should i study?

i want to lose weight and go free runing. and


where is she that loved the rain, that loved the green and silence in
halls of stone, strange bamboo forest lights and flying in dreams


that i found last july in the rains between the goth and deco buildings
in that grin of october 2003

that was learning to love to find and read and look and see and feel and detach
to kill deadbedbugs and find love and hope in violence
and seek echoes in hollow words
and finger the souls of a messy haired zombie who sat over the orphan boy that drew purple bananas that refuse to peel and complain of colic once the midnight settles and does not sleep and does not sleep and grows long hairs to cover all that has grown and does not sleep

back from kaivalyadham


scam it was. ok. not so bad. i promise to do yoga everyday.
i just read my previous post.
pathetic.
pathetic.
i promise not to talk like that again.

i leave in a few hours for kaivalyadhaam
if it works, i'll quit my job and disappear from the face of the earth for atleast 3 months.

i have neglected my body for too long now
just queenily wishful thinking
i shouldve done x when i was small, i shouldve worn z.
and i shouldve not discontinued my kathak, and tennis and why did ma give away my cycle and why did i spend all those evenings watching tv, why dint i swim all of third year when bombay gym was so close by.

everything's a mess.
everything.
it's all wrong
now where do i begin cleaning up.

i want to take pictures

my haircut doesnt look cut
looks like the same old lifeless mop
or i'd have posted a pic
i'm having bad days
so dont get my goat

15.04.2007

pigeon is my current favourite lingerie brand.
today all day i went shopping and dint find anything my size.
i wanted lace edged leggings to wear with a sharply cut longish shirt, tucked neatly at ribs/lowerback and sleeves,pin striped, over boots.
so i found black lace edged leggings, but the XL mod shork (shirt/frock) was too tight.
then i found nice grunge denim eeniemeeni skirt in L with softlace edge but so small it got stuck up on my umm before it could even. then i cricked my neck trying to get it off and then it was stuck at my armpits.
no hope.
then i found that lovely lovely winterblackgrey rough broken twill tweedy skirt with a satin inner lace extensiond with a little goth feel with blacksatin rosebow. O!! h! but of course the last size was like my one thigh.
very very sorrowful, i spent 10 hours looking to get clothes i like/can afford/my size. found none.
anyway, i went to STRAPS (current positioning: smart women come to straps. the rest go elsewhere/ be happy you came to straps) o my god.
anyway, the bra i liked was 2400 bucks.
but the one i liked even more was 120.omg. probably the cheapest thing they had. its smart, comfy, functional, minimal, sheery, lycra,NON WIRED, no seams, engineered within the fabric. wow. it's my favourite brand now. AND i fit into small/medium. how? i dont know. and i got it from the "beginners" section.
someone please tell me what this sizing is all about.
i used to be fab india small/medium in kurtas. suddenly i am large in fab india. whats going on.
XL is too small for me sometimes.
i want more pigeon stuff. i like i like.
hopefully, i'll get off my fixation with lace inners now.
(but hey i still like lace. i just hate it that it's in fashion and now everyone's gonna be wearing it even if they dont so much desire it really, just like that mod look i've been wanting.)

ek hoti gai
premat ti padli
divsa dhavlya
ratri pavlya

:D :D

write she said, said he would
and sent her 2 worry dolls wrapped in a stanza
one in yellow one in blue
and then he worried her

i want
to learn how to bellydance
i want to learn bartending
i want to learn japanese
and spanish
and to speed write bangla
i want to become healthy
lose weight
yoga
i dont want to pick up all these disorders all the time
i want my hormones back in order
i dont want to go to any doctors anymore
i dont want to have to take allopathy anymore
i want to find something i love doing
i want my eyes to be fine
my right eye
i dont want glasses
why do i get conscious facing a camera
i want to learn how to sing properly
thumri
i want to figure what i should be studying further
do i want to work for money?
do i want to work for romance?
do i want to work to occupy myself comfortably
where am i going to find the balance
what am i supposed to be balancing?
how's my health?
how old am i really?
how old am i?
ami too old?
but that i cannot help
am i too old to learn how to sing
why cant i play the sitar anymore
why cant i take pictures?
what is it about photographs that i just cant understand?
should i get back to film
maybe digi makes it sterile
is digi sterile?
like my electronic keyboard
sterile
am i thinking too much?

so many dreams so many dreams

i'm having strange dreams
and the strangest strangest nightmares
it's dark dark dark
dead sea decay
and ugly transformations

blogthings

i'm a sucker for these silly psycho tests. know me!! :D :D

You Are Skinny Heel Boots

You always look great - from your styled hair to your sleek boots.

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatkindofbootsareyouquiz/">What Kind of Boots Are You?

yes yes yes

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queenPeacemaker, first to end a fightGood at thinking up creative datesTend to fall in love and get hurt easilyGoing with your gut instead of your headEmphathetic and caring, sometimes to a faultGood at recognizing patterns in relationshipsBeen in love many times, perhaps too many to countWildly passionate and intense when falling in loveSpontaneous with relationships, going with the flowOverly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mindRoses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart

Are'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/areyourightbrainedorleftbrainedinlovequiz/">Are You Right Brained or Left Brained in Love?

Your True Sign Is Aquarius

Wacky Rebellious Cutting Edge A Total Freak Unconventional Difficult to Predict Breaking All The Rules Independent and Inventive

What's Your True Sign?

go mod

i want the clean lean look.
skinny jeans with ballet flats or stilleto boots
fudgy corduroy jacket is good
so i googled - fat people hate skinny jeans
nice discussion board i found
http://www.discovervancouver.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=79383

it's true. sigh.
i am doomed to look hoggy in them, at best maybe frumpy.

since the flower style broad base is narrowing, blink and the sharp mod will be here.
i hope the skirts worn high up at the waist constriction is back
post war style. i like.
dunno if itll catch on, people are still hungover on the low waist. (cause they think high waist is so makapao) thatll be good. i dont want everyone wearing it.
o i love fitting skirt high up at the waist. nice mod look jacket with feminine cut shirt inside
with skinny heel boots.
i saw a bag yesterday that'll go. black and white clean knitted to a rough grey.a bizzaro orange tan is good too. just out of clockwork orange.

enough kalamkari i have worn
cotton earth tones relaxed bordering on chhapri

amar shokol niye boshe achhi shorbonasher aashaye
ami tar lagi poth cheye achhi pothe je jon bhashaye
je jon dae na dekha jae je dekhe
bhalo bashe aaral theke
amar mon mojechhe shei gobhire gopon bhalobashaye.

pathetic and tragic

From 2002 until this year, NASA’s mission statement, prominently featured in its budget and planning documents,
read: “To understand and protect our home planet; to explore the universe and search for life; to inspire the next generation of explorers … as only NASA can.”

In early February, the statement was quietly altered, with
the phrase “to understand and protect our home planet” deleted.

was to write

of my blue purple skirt umbrella cut and being unready and fear and lessons in feeling and the crows we watched and a raspberry for valentine of falling in some affection down deep into the rabbit hole where youre suddenly big and small suddenly and your head is stuck in the chimney. of my bedroom window that looked like it was out of a gothic terrorspook that brought out veins and webs and long fingers and dirty thick hair and hung daggers from mosquito nets and crawling into ma in the night. The verandah door that opened on dewy wintermornings to akas that were out of some ice in the eyes. i was a cow once and again when the lights go off. and jump to flail into the earth a tamarind tree and wimmyn that cleaned toilets in the chalky house they rested. The cotton trees in the breeze and gathering and choking
of writing letters with blue string preludes and waiting for moments where it was all yellow day and pixies and piracies and hopskotch and discussing november twentythree of long long ago at the hostelsteps hoping the cramps would never go and watching green and pointing happy and another lesson in feeling.
of somethings in the eye for smooth functioning