Sunday, April 11

avoid this post.

i'm turning 25 next week. It feels odd, mid-life approaches and i havent learnt enough, loved enough, travelled enough, seen enough, done enough, engaged enough with anything, not even myself.

i woke up feeling disgruntled this morning. this english teacher caning me because i forgot to leave a line between the 2 stanzas in this poem about rains. It must've been around June because school had just started. This was Class I Div C, i think first day at class. But I did leave a line , only the -ves of leaves was on that line and i was scared that if i left another, it'd be 2 lines and no space for end line on the page. Dint know which one i'd get whacked for.
This was one of those 4 line = 1 line books, pink blue-blue pink.

St. Thomas High School, Goregaon East, across the tracks. None of the teachers knew my name, except for when my father met the principal about why his daughter had failed Oral Conversation and Reading + Recitation that year (in class 3). Of course, it was of no concern to the teacher. The kid scored the highest in class otherwise, but we'll overlook that. This Roll number 2 was asked to describe some black and white sketch in book. Looked like a woman with her hand on a box with a window perhaps nearby. The correct answer was "the mother is rocking the baby to sleep". So i failed. I din't see no baby, I din't see no mother. This bad sketch of a lady with her hand on a box, yes. Roll no. 1 also failed. After roll no.4 she changed the image to some large A2 size thing with colorful animals.But, of course, we don't care for the poor kids who're gonna fail for my laziness. Lavina Kamath i think her name was.

Then came class four, I din;t want to go to class 4 for the fear of having class teachers like Lavina and this other lady who wore only black and white ever since she lost her brother. They were both terrors. They beat and slapped everything that came their way. They still did not know anyones names besides the rankers 1 , 2, 3 etc. who were rankers always. And some people who failed - who kept repeating years. None of the teachers could give a !@#$#.

I did not know when annual day came and went, the rankers danced to the staid koli numbers and some arati song.

Class 7, i started taking interest in music. We swapped personal lyrics books, (mine had only sound of music, bombay and rangeela in it till then). Hindi teacher spotted me passing to a boy and picked it up. Opened to "I am 16 going on 17". Said, she;d speak to me after class because all these dirty things i do in the class should not go into the ears of other children. Perhaps because i looked larger than other girls, more 'developed' though i was the youngest in class.

Meanwhile, i got caned plenty of times for reasons i dont know. English teacher read every poem with the same speech pattern, totally uninspiring, math teachers who mostly spoke to the 'smart' boys, but most most wonderful marathi teacher with a nice name, what was it Veronica or something. She dint speak english but would give you a hug to explain "mithi". Saved my soul.

Class 8, i was out of that horrible dungeon. Forever, i thought, but perhaps not.

Sunday, May 24

Love more

Lovemore seems to be Zimbabwe's most popular name. Whenever I'm reading an article on Zimbabwe, there's a lovemore.

Lovemore Madhuku is their NCA chairperson
Lovemore Moyo is the speaker of the Zim parliament
Lovemore majaivana is their famous musician
Lovemore Sibanda - the podcasts guy

Lovemore N'dou, A boxer! ok, so he's not from Zim. but still. How odd.

Thursday, March 26

bees at my window

there were these bees outside my window today
and seamus heany's poem started buzzing inside my brain
about that "transmogrifying bee" that bit chucky
chucky, a hen.

Wednesday, February 18

ami shokol niye boshe achhi shorbonasher ashaye, ami tar lagi poth cheye achhi, pothe je jon bhashaye. this is the end.
this is the end.
on second thoughts, maybe she was just your regular slut, and attention seeking at that. i saw these preening pictures of her for the Sun. But this alfy guy has more character than all my boyfriends put together.
ok so i'm being dramatic. "all" is just exaggeration. but you know what i mean.

Saturday, February 14

'What will you do financially?' 'What's financially?'

but it's so beautiful in a way. (i cant post the family picture just yet)

Transcript of interview with Alfie:
'What will you do financially?' 'What's financially?'

“We didn’t think we would need help from our parents. You don’t really think about that when you find out you are pregnant. You just think your parents will kill you.”

Comments from The Independent :
Had these two adolescents waited until adulthood, with all its attendant "common sense" and responsibleness, and, let's admit it, selfishness, chances are neither would have ever started a family. Britain's scandalously low birth rate, especially among the "educated" classes should be of far greater concern to the respectable set than teen pregnancies, which can be viewed as nature's way of subverting the sterile tendencies of the species which is seemingly hell bent on responsibilizing itself into oblivion. Alfie and Chantelle are a couple of unconscious pagans giving the shaft of defiance to Europe's demographic winter.