Sunday, April 29

i leave in a few hours for kaivalyadhaam
if it works, i'll quit my job and disappear from the face of the earth for atleast 3 months.

i have neglected my body for too long now
just queenily wishful thinking
i shouldve done x when i was small, i shouldve worn z.
and i shouldve not discontinued my kathak, and tennis and why did ma give away my cycle and why did i spend all those evenings watching tv, why dint i swim all of third year when bombay gym was so close by.

everything's a mess.
it's all wrong
now where do i begin cleaning up.

Wednesday, April 18

i want to take pictures

Monday, April 16

my haircut doesnt look cut
looks like the same old lifeless mop
or i'd have posted a pic
i'm having bad days
so dont get my goat

Sunday, April 15


pigeon is my current favourite lingerie brand.
today all day i went shopping and dint find anything my size.
i wanted lace edged leggings to wear with a sharply cut longish shirt, tucked neatly at ribs/lowerback and sleeves,pin striped, over boots.
so i found black lace edged leggings, but the XL mod shork (shirt/frock) was too tight.
then i found nice grunge denim eeniemeeni skirt in L with softlace edge but so small it got stuck up on my umm before it could even. then i cricked my neck trying to get it off and then it was stuck at my armpits.
no hope.
then i found that lovely lovely winterblackgrey rough broken twill tweedy skirt with a satin inner lace extensiond with a little goth feel with blacksatin rosebow. O!! h! but of course the last size was like my one thigh.
very very sorrowful, i spent 10 hours looking to get clothes i like/can afford/my size. found none.
anyway, i went to STRAPS (current positioning: smart women come to straps. the rest go elsewhere/ be happy you came to straps) o my god.
anyway, the bra i liked was 2400 bucks.
but the one i liked even more was 120.omg. probably the cheapest thing they had. its smart, comfy, functional, minimal, sheery, lycra,NON WIRED, no seams, engineered within the fabric. wow. it's my favourite brand now. AND i fit into small/medium. how? i dont know. and i got it from the "beginners" section.
someone please tell me what this sizing is all about.
i used to be fab india small/medium in kurtas. suddenly i am large in fab india. whats going on.
XL is too small for me sometimes.
i want more pigeon stuff. i like i like.
hopefully, i'll get off my fixation with lace inners now.

(but hey i still like lace. i just hate it that it's in fashion and now everyone's gonna be wearing it even if they dont so much desire it really, just like that mod look i've been wanting.)

Saturday, April 14

ek hoti gai
premat ti padli
divsa dhavlya
ratri pavlya

:D :D

Monday, April 9

write she said, said he would
and sent her 2 worry dolls wrapped in a stanza
one in yellow one in blue
and then he worried her

Tuesday, April 3

i want
to learn how to bellydance
i want to learn bartending
i want to learn japanese
and spanish
and to speed write bangla
i want to become healthy
lose weight
i dont want to pick up all these disorders all the time

i want my hormones back in order
i dont want to go to any doctors anymore
i dont want to have to take allopathy anymore
i want to find something i love doing
i want my eyes to be fine
my right eye
i dont want glasses
why do i get conscious facing a camera
i want to learn how to sing properly
i want to figure what i should be studying further
do i want to work for money?
do i want to work for romance?
do i want to work to occupy myself comfortably
where am i going to find the balance
what am i supposed to be balancing?
how's my health?
how old am i really?
how old am i?
ami too old?
but that i cannot help
am i too old to learn how to sing
why cant i play the sitar anymore
why cant i take pictures?
what is it about photographs that i just cant understand?
should i get back to film
maybe digi makes it sterile
is digi sterile?
like my electronic keyboard
am i thinking too much?
so many dreams so many dreams

Monday, April 2

i'm having strange dreams
and the strangest strangest nightmares
it's dark dark dark

dead sea decay
and ugly transformations

Sunday, April 1


i'm a sucker for these silly psycho tests. know me!! :D :D

You Are Skinny Heel Boots
You always look great - from your styled hair to your sleek boots.

yes yes yes

You Are Right Brained In Love
Bit of a drama queenPeacemaker, first to end a fightGood at thinking up creative datesTend to fall in love and get hurt easilyGoing with your gut instead of your headEmphathetic and caring, sometimes to a faultGood at recognizing patterns in relationshipsBeen in love many times, perhaps too many to countWildly passionate and intense when falling in loveSpontaneous with relationships, going with the flowOverly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mindRoses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart

Your True Sign Is Aquarius

Cutting Edge
A Total Freak
Difficult to Predict
Breaking All The Rules
Independent and Inventive