Its going to be 24hours since I dug through my cartilage and I think it was the meanest thing I could have done to my body. It looks pretty sometimes in the mirror but it doesn’t feel beautiful to me in my head. I know now one thing - this whim thing is not for me and when I get cold feet I should respect it. I want to un-rip it. I want my nose to be whole again. godf says if I hate it at first I’ll fall in love with it. But I feel disrespectful towards my body and I am guilty of being abusive of it. He says we hate what we do with our bodies in an attempt to beautify mollify attract piss off someone else. But the body is personal. Something done for self is beautiful, he says. I think it’s true. I don’t know why I did this anymore. A silly whim. Maybe I should think before doing things. And I don’t want to see the hole. No feel good. I am not a piercing person.

continued from glob.11

So I am super sucky at judging people’s intentions. Sup, the only person I thought would back out, did not. In fact, when I got my fight or flight syndrome on overdrive, it was she that thrust me on the chair and held my hand and gently instructed me to shut the fuck up and do it. She went first. I held her hand. She held mine. Surprisingly, diki turned up and promised to pierce the kachkach part of her ear. (she dint)

However, the community that was to come, did not.Nikita had to get to work on sunday. Rai went for a namkaran ceremony. Harita dint come to bombay cause …ummm……and she’s stealing booz off this sound engineer that I was eyeing. but she’s promised to share him with though technically she was eyeing him before me. :D :D :D thats the nice thing about school friends. way to go harita! lasso him!

glob

there are so many things i had to write about, i dont know where to start and how to write about them.

1. of how domestic violence can be such a beautiful thing. sincerely.

3. of wanting to move to pune.

5.pune trip was so frikkin awesome and i havent seen so much fighting compressed into 5 days. harita and nishant drove each other mad. after a while it drove me mad. bodhisattva henry was full of peace of succour.
twinkee on the other hand failed to make an appearance despite the carrot of chicken n wine for somethings cookin!


7. the trick to a longlasting relationship is to be in love with someone who completely doesnt understand you. so you can never say...oh we dont understand each other anymore. its amazing. cause you cant even grow in different directions. yes, may need different support system.

9. about my toy rat i got from behrampada.

5. of a certain purple shirted rohanshivkumar's piercing that looks so pretty as if he was born with it.

7.how i'm so frikkin lost about what i wanna do with my frikkin life

9. of the time i discovered toppa songs... rizwana banya sings them in a loungy way but i still like it.

11. sex and violence and vice versa.

11. why do i want to pierce my nose? is it because i have an uneventful life so i need a stimulant? will it lower my self worth knowing that wannabe rock fans get piercings to heighten their selfimage and feel 'arrived' ? is it strange to hang foreign objects from one's body parts? will body reject this foreign object and swell and make pus? apparantly its also a quasi self destructive art but hey i just want a nose piercing! boni, dont think so much. just get it done.see itll looks so pretty!but my nose is so snub and rounded at the tip you cant even see the goddamned piercing.
hmmmm but then it's this irreversible commitment.

apparantly, Nose piercing was brought to India in the 16th Century from the Middle East by the Moghul emperors. In India a stud (Phul) or a ring (Nath) is usually worn in the left nostril. The left side is the most common to be pierced in India, because that is the spot associated in Ayuvedra (Indian medicine) with the female reproductive organs, the piercing is supposed to make childbirth easier and lessen period pain.

If the gun comes in contact with the inside of the nose potentially fatal micro-organisms (Staphyloccocus Aureus), can be transmitted between customers, and as aproximately 30% of the population have residant colonies of Staph. Aureus in their noses, you have a 1 in 3 chance of developing a potentially fatal infection, because of the proximity of the nose to the brain. et cetera et cetera ..... http://www.bmezine.com/pierce/articles/ptafter/nose.html

and i was thinking of getting a gun thing done. aaaargh. now i am all enlightened.also i will not use silver. ma was right. silver is bad bad bad idea. its carcinogenic and causes all these bad reactions.
i'll have to deal with those lumps forming around my nose. one year is too long to deal with.i wish ma pierced my nose when i was little.


Body Piercing Problems Emergencies Call 911 or other emergency services immediately.
Rapid swelling of the tongue or throat, causing difficulty swallowing or breathing
Severe allergic reaction (anaphylaxis)
Moderate to severe difficulty breathing

hmmm... so we're gonna be doing community piercing this sunday before i do anymore google research and change my mind. nikita has a pretty nose.she's a punju pyt.she'll look pretty with nose pierce. harita's down for the weekend, she'll get yet another ear piercing. hen says he'll pierce himself. sup i think will back out. rai says she hasnt prepared herself for it.

13. how i dont feel like taking pictures anymore.

people i met at the sophia polytech

riddhi&me


rai&me

cherry&me





riddhi is the gujjuben. her sister was in the process of getting married all through the year. she makes the best excuses in the world for not doing work/not turning up/forgetting- and all of that indignantly.
Eg.i cannot come for the shoot because i have to go to my designer.
did i mention she was production person for our class docu?hehe. much fun. she is a paranoid jain with a meateating bong boyfriend. hehehe.


rai&me are at a 25th marriage anniversary of someone we have commonlink with.Rai calls her shikha-di though she's actually her dida(granma) in relation. i call her shikha-mashi and her husband gautam-kaku. we are both drunk and decide to be sober when sloshed middleaged men start dancing with us to kala kauua kaat khaega.click.
all her ex-ex boyfriends' mothers still shower her with gifts.


cherry i thought was the snootiest bitch in scm but she's the loveydoveyest. she's quite mad and sings at the swanky hotels like the renaissance, at not just jazz by the bay etc. much abandon in her voice. she's done her masters in lit and writes for man's world now. this chick fled to dubai for some bliss while everyone else went mad postproduction. now Thats what i like.

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Last night grew out of candela’s frazzled hairs... many swift feet dancing their nightly prayers...
Dancing down the stairs... candela’s frazzled hairs having affairs

My eyes schlepped.
.......................but candela’s frazzled hairs, said their prayers and had affairs...

Reserved for the k

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kay so go ahead. post in the comments.

xavier's loos

much time has been abandoned here... in waiting.
at the 30s loo behind psycho lab.

. . . "And if anybody was to come to you and say, “I know the Javva currents,” don’t you listen to him; for those currents is never yet known to mortal man. Sometimes they’re here, sometimes they’re there, but they never runs less than five knots an hour through and among those islands of the Eastern Archipelagus. There’s reverse currents in the Gulf of Boni—and that’s up north in Celebes—that no man can explain.... "

My first Contest

Now it is not very often that I am driven to write about giftable items that I see advertised on some website. but this is special.
in the above image there is gladrags, the Keeper, the Diva Cup, the jade and pearl.

If ANYONE reading can guess what these exotic things are, they get free dessert. Seriously!
NO cheating!

hen is real pissed cause he got frisked at the station.
they sized him up, spoke to him badly and took his name, address etc. he wasnt even carrying any baggage with him.
just the famous 21 colorpieced jap umbrella (which technically belongs to me cause he gifted it to me. but he borrows it from me every monsoon.)
he says it's discrimination against beards and bald heads. my brother says its probably cause they thought he was mao-ist. everytime something like this happens he thinks more about AFSPA and home.
after the blasts he said- it feels like home. doesnt feel like home anymore i suppose cause now the cops always size him up at stations.upsetting. (also he lost the umbrella! waaaaaaaah)


hen in self portrait

Edouard Boubat

La petite fille aux feuilles mortes" 1947 © EDOUARD BOUBAT
little girl in dead leaves

at sunderbhai hall two evenings ago, i saw this big book of portraits.
what poetry
what magic
what romance
what spirit
god i want to click people again.


i cant find online the pictures i so loved.
i love boubat and i hope it doesnt go away

i am really really looking for this book !

Where have all the snails gone! And the little lime tu-tus that danced around my letters in kitten heels? eyelashes.. arched necks….lizards. Its been long since I squiggled on paper...handwrote letters.
Y!Doodle where are you my savior! my mouse is so shticky now. i miss what it was to Y!Doodle. I want my mouse and Y! Doodle back!!! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!


12. 8. 2004 /

My first movie review

(No, Spoilers cant follow)

Yun hota to kya hota....what if?
(need i say more?)


GOOD
suhasini muley
suhasini muley dancing svelte in red lycra
irfan khan kisses suhasini muley!!
ratna pathak and paresh rawal love story! ...... sigh...lovelier, more touching...than all the others...

BAD
some forced theatrical bits like " mujhe mil jo jae thoda paisa " followed by "sare jahan se achha"
like Naseer Shah Jr. mouthing hindi monologues in drama speech pattern
forced metaphor like abandoned woman in red addicted blowing bubbles in her house
konkona sensharma is so irritatingly screechy but...thats just me.
the ending is...ohhh! should i tell you? besides being like a bad old music video.... heal the world sob
"ek baar jana...america" horrid song

UGLY
ayesha takia in lots of clothes.... what to say? how does she walk on heels with those?

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the top of my lavender bottle cover sliced off onto my hands leaving the oil wide eyed like a Cyclops.
Since I couldn’t shut the eye, I shut the door.BigBang!of wooden door and my cupcake tray hurrying out of the cabinet clumsily upset the stash of mustard bottles. Bloody klutz! Just like me. 3 bottles of mustard lay grinning on the floor. Before it hit my nose it hit my eyes and my kitchen was turning pale pale pale….
I dread what comes out of the eye of the Cyclops because it will turn the most agreeable smell into a pursuing blackwidow bee. Reminds me of how my nose would quiver when it detected anything the texture of lo mani. And my skin would call to mind the reaper.

Shall I put a picture of the reaper here?
Klutz. I like saying it. Klutz. Klutz. Klutz. Distilling it, I find some profane sounds. Klutz carries more spirit than ‘clumsy’ ever could.
Clumsy fizzles out.
Klutz scolds, points a finger at your nose.
doesn’t try to play it down like ‘Clumsy’.

Besides,
when you really mean to begin with k, you shouldn’t begin with a c
the l latches onto k more aggressively.

Please let your tongue do the comparing.

Clean /clement/ clear/ claims/ clams v/s Klammer/ klumb/ klom/ klim/ Kleenex

Time I slept. Here, the picture of the reaper. Ta-da!

Should I upload it now? Or maybe in the daytime. I have to get my blanket from the other bed all the way down the living room. The curtains must be open with wet trees…can the reaper come in through the sheer?
Those who want to see a picture of the reaper please google it. The goriest one with a big sickle is the one I am talking about.

ok so i scampered back with my blanket...
but i cant find that picture anymore..... make do =

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flyby verses

i could begin telling you of the delicious feeling i get when the abstract and material cometoghether so seamlessly- when a transposition is so lucid - that epiphany takes effort of a preoccupied tuttifutti. but this image is incomplete.so i cannot show you the entire verse of the gulls.

'but it rained' by nitish

thankyou shukla! for such cool font! i really love the faces. i can stare at them for hours!!really.

my blue earrings

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everyones always going into deep discourses with self about what is the blog and who it really caters to. is it for the anonymous reador that clicks 'next blog' while procrastinating about cleaning up her life or is it for the friend that stops by when theyre bored and could do with some passive conversation or is it for self that can have some self indulgence when theyre staring at screen after having typed gmail.com, mail.yahoo.com,google.com, etc etc involuntarily and dont know what to type anymore.
thankfully, i dont need to do such digging deeps cause no one really reads this blog.
incidentally discourse is latin for the act of running about. but considering the heavyweight patriarchal associations that (seem to)have chewingummed to the word, feminists (seem to) hate it and instead (seem to)use the term conversations. 'towards a new feminist epistemology' as spivak would root.i only root for long haired countries, the flamenco kinds.anything spanish-mexican-italian-yo'know is good. whats with venezuela. where is it on the map? they have such gorgeous men and women, i wonder how theyre a monogamous nation.or maybe theyre not. like the rest of us.why does scandanavia(whoever corrected my marignated spelling pliss do the honors) have such strange laws. i had read in a science journal that there are gay and bisexual drosophilae, flies,lions etc. anyway, theyre mutated dna.
i am thinking i should be a travel writer. my writing travels much even in front of the comp.
its been so long since i put pen to paper. my handwritings all confused if it's supposed to be cursive or float between the lines, or if itis supposed to creep on them. the ring finger on my right hand has healed since i havent held a pen/cil in hand for months now.
i cant find ANY of my music. Panic. if anyone has blues with tomtom and meandering deep voices please let me know. any acoustic music.


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procrastin-X

whats the antonym of foretelling?

Free Sample Karmic Reading for chandrani !

Nodes of the Moon (Your Karmic Doorways)
North Node of the Moon in Taurus

In prior lives, you experienced intense, perhaps violent upheavals in your love relationships. You may have lost a lover to war or some other tragic end; you may have been in a marriage marked by violence and were unable to trust your partner. The sense that nothing is truly stable -- that circumstances can change in a heartbeat, in a devastating way -- has lasted with you through to your current life.

You may find it quite difficult to trust your lover at a very deep level; you yearn for attachment but the very feeling of becoming dependent on another person makes you quite uncomfortable. You might put your lover through "tests," trying to discern whether their love for you is real or ephemeral.

You are likely to be a friendly, relaxed person on the outside, but inside you have deep psychic wounds that cause you anxiety within your relationships. You might notice that there have been people in your life who seemed to dislike you for no logical or apparent reason. These people are likely to be people from a prior life whom you somehow hurt, abused or alienated, with whom you reincarnated in your current life.
(gaaaaaah atleast in some life i've managaged to get back at that @#$%^ Am/ri/ta Pu/ri)

You have gone through extreme, sometimes violent, transformations in prior lives, chandrani. This has left you with a feeling of being off balance, each crisis pulling the rug out from under you.

In a past life (or number of past lives), you have abused your talents and personal powers to the detriment of those around you. This may have the effect of finding many people who express a violent dislike for you without any visible reason. They will appear whenever you allow your ego to rule your desires.
(aaaaargh! what bad bad karma! )

There are possible lifetimes spent as a revolutionary and most people with this placement have experienced the forces of witchcraft. Other possible past lifetimes were as detective, spy, researcher or alchemist.



http://rep.astrology.com/free/10738/8108/gif1.html - my chart
http://www.astrology.com/aboutastrology/interpreting/chartwheel/index.html - plis help
wha?